Is anyone else getting a bit fed up of the monotony of lockdown routine? Every day for me involves the same routine. Get up. Feed baby. Put her down for nap. Express. Get her up. Go for a walk, etc.… it never changes. Rain, wind, sleet or snow…
But when having a chat with some girlfriends recently, I was challenged. As we chatted about how we are getting on, I realised that one of the reasons I am finding lockdown so uncomfortable is because it is forcing me to spend a lot more time in empty space, with nothing but my own company, not striving, not busy, nothing exciting going on, no distractions, or time-fillers, and I’m not used to it. I’m used to things being full on.
So, I can probably do with giving you a little background to my life right now. I am a mother of a seven month old, on maternity leave. I have my husband at home as he is also taking a pause from work to support us. We currently live in a small, one bedroom flat at my parents home, with no bills to pay. We have no financial pressures, no work pressures, no family pressures. We are all in good health and have the support of family right on our doorstep. We can do pretty much what we want when we want (within lockdown parameters). And because we have a child under one in our household, we can form a support bubble with another household, so we are not facing the same isolation that so many others are.
I say all this not to parade how good we have it, but to emphasise the point that I know we have it good. Our life may not be perfect but there is no reason that I should not be grateful for what we have. So why do I still not feel content?
I don’t think this is just a lockdown thing either – I’m sure that plays a part in highlighting it, but I honestly think it’s just an indicator of a bigger problem; as 21st century, westernised people, I don’t think we know how to be fulfilled without being busy.
It wasn’t too long ago that keeping up with the Joneses was all about things – the big house, the new car, designer clothes… Don’t get me wrong, materialism is still all around us, but this pursuit of things is being challenged by something else — time.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who, before lockdown, always felt like I was in a hurry – although if I’m honest I couldn’t always put my finger on why. I was always “pressed for time,” or saying “there are just not enough hours in the day,” or just running out of time completely.
So, what’s really going on? Are we really just that busy? Or has our relationship with time changed?
It would be wrong not to acknowledge that for some people, in some circumstances, busyness is born out of necessity – they must work multiple jobs to make ends meet while also caring for children at home, whilst maybe also caring for an elderly relative. But for others of us, I don’t think busyness is a necessity, but a choice – and I think the reason why is a combination of a few things:
- The glorification of busy – often we wear busyness as a badge of honour, a status symbol, basing upon it our importance, self-worth, value, in a culture of busyness.
- The security of busy – when we are busy we feel like we are in control, that we are productive and therefore successful, able to keep any problems at bay if we can just do enough.
- The comparison of busy – FOMO (fear of missing out) is a real driver of busyness, as spending is shifting from buying things (“i have to have it all”) to experiences (“i need to do it all”), so we pack our calendars full as we compare our every day lives to others social media “highlight reels”.
- The addiction of busy – we are connected 24 hours a day, seven days a week, blurring the line between work, life, socialising, etc., promoting multitasking and never switching off. In an age of abundance of choice, we have infinite ways to fill time instead of leaving rest moments as restorative blank space.
- The escape of busy – busyness can prevent us from slowing down enough to face the big and sometimes difficult questions in life, helping us to avoid the uncomfortable truths and dealing with things like past hurt, trauma, mistakes etc. and making changes that can positively impact our lives.
As a society, we are not longer comfortable with moments of nothingness. We are no longer happy with too much silence. We are no longer OK with being bored.
But it’s these moments of rest, of space, of boredom that are essential to our ability to process, imagine and create 1. It’s in the monotony, in the mundaneness, in the routine, that we are able to rest, recover and restore. It is in the nothingness, in the quiet, in the empty moments that we are able to reflect on where we are and revaluate what’s most important.
At the beginning, lock down forced many of us into stillness. It forced many of us to slow down, rethink and reevaluate. But as lockdown dragged on, as we hit lockdown 3.0, something shifted, and I think a lot of us have found ourselves trapped in the mundane, desperate to get out!
But this won’t last forever and I think it’s vital that we take the time to recognise that a slower pace doesn’t mean unproductive. More time doesn’t mean less fruit. In fact, it often means the opposite entirely.
In our a usually filled calendars and packed schedules, we’re missing something that is essential to the very core of who we were created to be, and we need to learn to be content in the quiet.
How do we do this? By looking for the miracles in the mundane.
As we have different experiences in life, as time goes on and we face different challenges, overcome hurdles and break down barriers, we grow, learn and change (hopefully for the better). What was once impossible becomes the usual, what once was a huge achievement becomes the norm. We become complacent.
For example, I am currently trying to wean my 7 month old and watching Noah try to master the purées, you would think it was the hardest thing in the world. And the reality is, to her, right now it is. But when she’s 35, I doubt she’ll think twice about eating an entire burger, or spaghetti bolognese, or steak.
As children grow, they start to learn to walk, tie their shoes, ride a bike. At the time each feels like a huge obstacle but each time they conquer it, and within a short time, they barely give it a thought. How many of us are ever grateful that we can do these simple tasks?
And the same goes for us as adults – that fear of public speaking you never thought you’d conquer, that bad habit you never thought you’d break, that impossible situation you found yourself in that you didn’t think you’d find your way out of. A few days, weeks, years go by and we forget.
It’s important that we take the time to stop, look back and realise how far we’ve come. What miracles have now become the everyday, mundane, norm?
That baby that keeps me bound to a monotonous routine, six months ago I was afraid I wouldn’t even have six months with her. The home that I’m so eager to move on from because it’s too small, this time a year ago I was unhappy so far from family and now they’re literally on my doorstep. That free time, blank space, nothingness that I’m so quick to complain about, it’s giving me the time with my family that I have been craving for so long and I can finally spend the time outdoors, exercising and getting fit that I’ve been wanting in forever.
I need to use this opportunity to break my unhealthy relationship with busy. I need to take stock, reevaluate and learn to be content in all situations (Philippians 4:11-13) and I need to spend more of my time looking for and recognising the miracles in the mundane.
1 https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/10/171024112803.htm
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